Category Archives: Fitness

Daddy Pig is a bitch. Are you?

The guy on the left is a bitch.

Daddy Pig is a bitch.  He is fat, fairly stupid and seemingly lazy.

My kids watch Peppa Pig which is a pretty good show except for the Dad.  He snorts around and provides little more than comical relief for the family.

Dads, what has happened to our brand?  When did we become the chubby goofy guy who bumbles around from channel to channel contributing little besides money to family growth?

A recent trip to a family water park resort told me that Daddy Pig does exist and he represents our country’s fathers in force.  I saw a bunch of out of shape males milling around searching for the next beer, hopelessly fixated on their smart phones while the family functioned around them; at dinner, they find the nearest television to escape to while mom makes sure the family is fed.

I know real dads are out there.  Many of our readers are real dads, I’ve seen them in action too.

Real dads bring whatever they have to offer to the table at night.  Maybe they ask leading questions about character, maybe they field the few questions that stump mom, they can lead family exercise, or  encourage self reflection; maybe they simply set the example.

Either way, your choice- Daddy or Daddy Pig?

Put down your cell phone and look up.

This shirt was at Walmart for Father’s Day, if you received it you might want to rethink your approach.

Spinning- Not just for bitch asses anymore

Courtesy of http://alntv.wordpress.com/

I haven’t used the term ‘bitch ass’ in a long time; I might bring it back.

I have had the pleasure of being brutally beat down twice a week for the past several weeks.

It all started when my buddy, who also enjoys MTB, told me that spinning was actually a good work out and I should try. I called him a bitch then laughed and asked if he was hosting a Pampered Chef party next week.  He dared to come along for the next class.

What I found was surprising.

An hour of intense cardio with intervals of grueling anaerobic activity coupled with blacklight, rage-club-techno mix jarring the mind and soul.  It’s an experience as much as a workout.

Make no mistake, I’m fit (just ask me) but spin class sends me into waves of nausea, head spins and seemingly heart arrhythmia:  everything I look for in a good workout.

The sadomasochistic spin instructor seems to find pleasure in the sweat that puddles around the bike and the dizzy middle aged moms who run for the door in mid class.   She calls us out to raise our difficulty level while breathing regularly and dancing to the music; she doubles our effort without thinking twice.

For anyone looking to balance lifting and running with a no impact heart blasting, sweat fest try spinning.  It will go perfect with the More and Less Diet.

Even if you are a bitch ass.

Pools

Subway’s Olympic Green

News Flash: The Avocado in this picture doesn’t look like what they actually squirt onto your sandwich

After several friends independently advised me NOT to go to Subway and get their new Avocado topping, I had to go and see for myself.

Sure enough, they were right.

It’s some sort of paste; taco bell like, liquid stuff. It’s a green compound with consistency similar to tooth paste. Not slices, not bits. It doesn’t seem like avocado simply put through a blender, there is a synthetic aura about this stuff.

They used to squeeze it right from the bag that it comes in. The subway lady told me that recently they put it in the bins because it presents a lot better that way. One customer, she said, called it ‘do, do.’

Curious now, I investigated a bit further. Turns out that the nutrition contents listed on Subway’s website is similar to, but not exactly matching the nutritional information on this Avocado Website. Could be just a difference in breed (or however you differentiate between Avocado families.)

Still not convinced that this space age fluid is, in fact, nature’s super food, I e-mailed Subway to ask if what they slopped on my sandwich was truly the fruit of Mother Earth’s loins.

They responded:

“In response to your question, the avocado used is 100 percent avocado.”

I don’t know how it’s done but Subway somehow converted the fruit originally known to the Aztec as ‘testicle,’ into this thick ooze, easily slimed, onto thousands of sandwiches daily by your local Subway worker.

Well done Jared. Well done.

Men: Stop Washing Your Hands After You Drain!

This little guy is just learning the ropes.

You are getting dirtier by washing your hands; especially if you enjoy an automatic flushing urinal at work.

Ahhhh, urine.  So many uses; so little time.  People used to use urine to clean, it’s tough on stains and even said to assist in alleviating athlete’s foot symptoms.

Urine is sterile.

Yes, it’s sterile.  It’s clean.  It won’t make you sick (although according to survival manuals it is not recommended for drinking due to its salt content.)

(See this link to Wiki’s Urine Facts)

So men, why, oh why do we wash our hands after visiting the urinal?

The truth is, unless your just a dirty person (which many of you are), the faucet handle is more germy than your genitalia.

As a matter of fact, there are a lot of dirtier things than your genitalia in your office.

You’d be better off washing your hands after touching your keyboard, break room sink or elevator button.

Just walk in the bathroom with your hands (and head) held high, pee, then leave in the same manner.  Don’t be influenced by your disgusted coworker’s glance, it’s he who is disgusting!

Embrace your urine, it’s probably one of the cleanest things you’ll come in contact with today.

For the tough guys that have the sticker of the cartoon character pissing on something they don’t like on the back of their truck; sorry hero.  Calvin is actually cleaning the item that you so despise.

Bold statement Dude, really tough, but piss is clean.
Photo courtesy: bumperwars.net (good website)

I had a physician buddy of mine read this post and he verified all the facts.  Be free from societal pressure, don’t wash in that nasty sink!

To avoid germs from all other office sources, you’ll either have to wear gloves or use hand-sanitizer about every 3 minutes.

I know you don’t wash before you brush your teeth….Nasty.

See the a germ study here:

http://www.multivu.com/mnr/56343-kimberly-clark-study-kitchens-break-rooms-crawling-with-bacteria-germs

Introducing a New Diet to the World’s Fattest Nation!

The More and Less Diet can work for you too!

After much research and tireless experimentation I am happy to say I have come up with a diet that could change the fact that our Nation is the fattest nation in the world; facts cited below.

Yes, we are the fattest; but I have a solution.

It’s called the More and Less Diet.  The problem is that it’s not catchy, like the Paleo Diet that focuses on eating food that neanderthals eat (by the way, you don’t have Celiac Disease, only 1% of the nation does.)  It’s not chic like the South Beach Diet that focuses on eating donuts and meat.  There is no TV show to support it like the Biggest Loser Diet.

I need a way for the cool kids to talk about it at the water cooler.  I need something for the chubby moms to talk about at the pool.  It’s too simple to write a best selling book about it.  What can I do?

Well, here it is:  Exercise more and eat less.

That’s right, that’s all there is to it, eat less and exercise more or vice versa (that’s Latin for the other way around).

Nothing to obsess over, nothing to talk about really; just eat less and exercise more.  Do this for several weeks, it will change your life.  If you’re really chubby, add the term ‘a lot’ in the middle of each aspect of the diet.

I understand that there are exceptions, but before you charge ahead with the Paleo Diet, rush off to Fresh Market to ‘gather’ your food like the neanderthals, please try the More and Less Diet.  Once you lose enough to where you really have to pay attention to your input, then by all means, read the books, buy the plan and go hunting and gathering!  For now, save your money and go for More and Less.

It will get us, as a nation, started in the right direction.  I personally, would like to beat out the UK who places at a lean number 7.

Fattest Developed Nations:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/22/obesity-rates-rising-developed-fattest-world_n_1294212.html#s716405&title=10_Finland

A comparison of ‘Best Diets’:  http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/best-overall-diets  (Strangely enough, the More and Less Diet not included but each diet listed basically uses these tenants.

Picture courtesy of T Nation.

America’s Privileged Shopper

A quote from the movie Platoon:

“You VOLUNTEERED for this shit, man? What we got here’s a crusader. You gotta be rich in the first place to think like that!”

You gotta be rich in the first place to think like that, you also have to be rich in the first place to scoff at non-organic produce.

Here’s the craziness,

From the article linked below: “The Environmental Working Group (EWG) says you should be concerned about pesticide residues in fruits and vegetables, but, not so concerned that you stop eating these foods.”

They just recently published a dirtiest foods list, apples at the top.  Not too dirty to eat though, just dirty…I think we’ve all been there.

So why be concerned?  Concerned that… what?  I rubbed it on my sleeve before I ate it today, feel better?

Here is a great article discussing some of the facts involved in common man’s produce:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2012/06/19/155354070/why-you-shouldnt-panic-about-pesticide-in-produce

I’m not trying to defunct the organic food industry, although I do think its a bit absurd. I also think that if well to do moms think they’re saving the local farmers, they should know, they’re not.  Organic Ag is BIG industry, big lobby, special interest porn stars.  Chinese organic cows?  Really?  Does that make you feel better?  Anyway…

I just want us to remember how lucky we are.  If we have time and space to worry so hardily about whether or not our food has been treated with pesticides even though the food is still safe than we have made it, haven’t we?

You gotta be rich in the first place to think like that.

The Golden Feedbag and the Chocolate Muzzle

So I’m reading the third book of the Hunger Games, its a pretty good depiction of a government gone mad.  There is a segment of the population who are the favored group, the well bred.  They are kept “happy,” drunk with gluttony.

I’m reminded of one scene where these people are at a party gorging themselves with the best foods and drink.  On an adjacent table, are small glasses filled with some type of formula to allow you to safely vomit in order to go back to enjoying the food.  In other words, they are no longer limited at the buffet by what they can eat, they can now eat as much and as long as they want.  This, while the rest of the population is starving.

That brings me to this:

Image

This is Golden Corral’s chocolate tower, streaming thing.  It was available at breakfast, notice the cotton candy adjacent to it.

I met at Golden Corral today for a morning class.  First time I’ve been there in years.  Prior to going, my friends joked that we were meeting at the Golden Feedbag and made other references to the absurdity of it all. One thing I didn’t quite expect though, was this.

I’m not saying we’re like to people in Hunger Games, but doesn’t stuff like this ever beg the question?  Do we have too much convenience?  Can we?  How can we send our men and women to two wars with minimal effect on the population like we did over the past 10 years?  Why aren’t more people involved?  Who votes these days?

Maybe a chocolate fountain is the answer.

In Hunger Games the oppressive government kept the people clueless and happy so they wouldn’t ask questions, so they would never ‘want.’

I’ll paraphrase the flyer here, “Join the fun at our never ending cascade of delicious dipping chocolate.  It’s all on our legendary endless buffet.”

Decide for yourself.  Join the heard, watch endless TV, drink, spend and be merry, eat at endless buffets or do something worthwhile – Contribute, make a difference.

I for one, well….um….OK.  See you at the feedbag.  The Banana Pudding was great.

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Customer Service – What get’s it done?

The gym I go to has a great front desk staff.

Their greetings are strong when I come in, smiles big, very receptive to the few requests I’ve had and bid a great farewell when I leave.

Every time, all of them.

Most of the other staff seem to be on board as well.

So what is it?

Does American Family Fitness pay really well?  Do they just hire the right twenty somethings?  Are they consistently trained and managed?

I’m not sure exactly but what I am sure of is that the culture is right.

Regardless of hiring practices, pay or training models the culture set by the leadership creates the environment for success…or failure.

In my experience culture is determined through time by communicating with your peeps often, by being forthright with standards and expectations and, most importantly, by explaining “why.”  Explaining why means explaining to the staff the enduring end-sate, the objective, the second or third desired effect.

Your people are smart and will help you to your goal; if they know what it is (exactly) and you allow them to.

Leaders need to take some time to reflect, communicate and observe; this, done over time, will start an organization on an enduring path to success – it will create the right culture.

Answering lots of email doesn’t.

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