This Just In — New Derogatory Term!

A nonafone in action

If your insults are getting stale, I have good news.  I have been introduced to a new derogatory term that I think you may be able to put to good use!  I’ve already been using it with famous results.

The term is, ‘nonafone.’ NON-a-FON (hard O) noun:  One who does not posses a contemporary approach to technology and is prone to misunderstanding and inefficiency.

Basically it is those who do not harness the technology of the current day.

So many examples come to mind, here are a few:

1.  Lost:  “How do I get to (insert location)?”  2012 answer:  Take out your phone, write the name of the place you are looking for, then click ‘get directions.’  That’s how you get there; stop wasting my time.

2.  Tired:  “It’s such a pain to sync/share (insert anything) with my computer and/or wife, friends.”  2012 answer:  What do you mean?  Everything I do magically syncs with the people and devices I choose.  No, there is not a driver to load.  Please keep your wire away from my computer.

3.  Uninformed: “I don’t know or I can’t remember (insert any fact).”  2012 answer:  Let me look it up on my pocket sized set of books that contain all of the information in the world…3 minute pass…Oh, here it is, the answer is (insert answer)”  Stop trying to remember everything and try to remember people’s names instead.  Your phone can handle everything else.  Which is more important?

Frequently asked questions about the new word, nonafone:

Can nonafones have smart phones and/or tablets?

Answer:  Yes, if you have a smart devvice but use it only as a phone, you are a nonafone.  For example, the guy who bench presses at my gym with his IPad on his chest is a nonafone.

Do you have to have a smart phone to avoid being a nonafone?

Answer:  Possibly not, you may be able to harness someone else’s smart phone to get by.  You might also be able to carry around a laptop but they don’t make good armbands for laptops and they suck to run with.

Common uses:

“Look at that nonafone texting…T, gH, A, mN, jK, pqrS”…laughing ensues.

“Hey nonafone!  Just pay and get outta here!  What is that cash?”…more laughing.

“No, I don’t have change for a ten- nonafone (sigh).”

“Who? Jim?  Oh yeah, he’s a real nonafone, you’ll have to leave him a message; yes, voice mail still exists”

The etymological history of the word is from US English originally pronounced, “Non Iphone.”  The term morphed with the advent of additional smart phones and increased common usage.

A curt yet decisive shortening is also becoming popular as  just ‘Noner.”

So, enjoy the term.  I have found it is quick, insulting and degrading!  If used enough, it could move people to action.

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