Tag Archives: government

Rudolph Rewritten

400px-Santa's_army

Santa prepares to quash the rebellion

I watched Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer tonight.  I was troubled by what I saw.

Rudolph’s dad, Donner, was very dissapointed by his newborn son’s glowing nose.  WTF Donner?  Be proud, your lesson learned later in the story doesn’t make up for it.  Donner, you are a bad reindeer and father.

Donner was upset about his boy because he wasn’t going to make the team with a glowing nose.  You see, Santa has these animals and elves so conditioned that all they think about is serving the institution.  Be loyal, do what you’re told and maybe Santa will be pleased.  That’s the sorry life of reindeer and elves and if they don’t like it they will be gone from Christmas Town.

I’m thinking, “Santa, these beings are free thinking souls with limitless capabilities, sounds like you’re trying to run a plantation.  The end doesn’t always justify the means big guy, set these people free, quit brainwashing them from birth.”

Rudolph and his buddy, Herbie were misfits.  The servant-population outcasted and abused Rudolph and Herbie because the skill set they possessed didn’t fit into what was required for service in the institution. Rudy and his friend were cast off into the blistering arctic winter where they encountered unspeakable things.  Most of it wasn’t shown in this kid’s show but I can only imagine what happened to them.  They somehow survived and grew up in the wild.  When they returned everyone needed Rudolph, and the exact thing he was formerly ridiculed for was coveted.  The sad thing was that Rudolph and friend once again became loyal servants to the master.

A better story for our youth could have been about Rudolph and Herbie freeing themselves of the tyranny whilst in the wild.  Realizing who they were and what they were capable of, realizing that there are possibilities outside of servitude.

My ending:

“Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

“No Santa, I won’t.  You see, I don’t work for you.  I wasn’t born to serve you or your cause.  Herbie and I built our own sleigh and we’re getting the hell out of this godforsaken town; we’ve got big things to do, things beyond serving you and your gift giving.  Who’s with me?”

At this point it would be cool if some of the other elves and reindeer rose up against the man, especially considering he was looking at canceling Christmas (the gift part at least).

Perhaps a sequel to my movie would be called Santa’s Civil War.

An important message from the government

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As heavy rains may saturate the grounds in your area, you should be concerned about floods. They can be very dangerous and damaging. National and local governments learned a hard lesson during the Katrina disasters and so every locality is a bit more careful when warning their citizens about the possible onset of high waters.

Here are a couple of things that are listed in the National Weather Service Warning you may want to consider:

Don’t Drive: DO NOT DRIVE CARS THROUGH FLOODED AREAS. REMEMBER…TWO FEET OF RUSHING WATER CAN CARRY AWAY MOST VEHICLES INCLUDING PICKUPS.

Check! I won’t drive.

Stay Tuned: EVERYONE WITH PROPERTY OR OTHER INTEREST ALONG STREAMS AND RIVERS SHOULD REMAIN ALERT TO CHANGING WEATHER FORECAST. SHOULD CONDITIONS CHANGE…LOOK FOR RIVER FORECAST OR FLOOD WARNINGS FOR USE IN MAKING INFORMED DECISIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND PROPERTY.

Will do! I’ll keep my phone with me. Good.

Most Importantly: DON’T DROWN.

Huh? Oh shit, ok. This changes my plans a bit; hmmm, don’t drown. Alright, I guess.

Yes, our government has seen it fit to warn citizens not to drown during floods.

For our readers, “Don’t get hit by a bus.”

There, I did my part.

The Homosexual Cow – A Chick Update

People lined up outside our local Chick fil A, hopefully for the right reasons.

As many of you have seen, popular political pundits called for a Chick fil A day yesterday.  And so it was.

I don’t intend to jump on the political commentary bandwagon.  There are a few important things I need to address since my last post on the subject linked here.

1.  The PR dude died.  I don’t know or care about the cause but I am sympathetic.  You see, good PR guys care very deeply about the organization they represent.  Often their bosses and organization members do things to tarnish the reputation of the brand, despite our [PR guys] advice or tireless preparation.  We take the organization’s reputation personally because it’s our job to and we believe in it.  If PR guys don’t care and believe in their brand, they should leave- good PR is real.

2.  My family attended CFA day. Not because we are opposed to same sex marriage, because we are in favor of non-government agencies being able to represent their own values.  I don’t want to live in a country where values that are in opposition to the accepted norm are forced into silence by the government or anyone else.  Yeah, I got the thousands of comparisons in retort… bottom line, if you are personally opposed to the beliefs of a product or company, just don’t buy it.

Unfortunately, if I was their PR guy, I would have advised the President not to make that statement.  I would have coached him to dance around the issue; my best bosses never listened to that advice.

Anyway, I hope the people that waited in the lines today explained to their kids that it’s a lot less about disliking gays than it is about everyone being allowed to have a belief and practice that within the law and their rights- without the fear of government intervention.

…and it’s a little bit about the shakes too.

Another good Wiki read here, outline the issue and some local government’s illegal response.

Gay Haters? Homophobs? Staunch Conservatives? Maybe they’re just people who believe in the right to believe.  Maybe they just like the shakes.