Tag Archives: health

Step off my PB&J

Dream Team

The Dream Team

I got home late from work, my wife was heading out to meet her friends and the kids had to get to bed.  No dinner for me.

No problem.

I whipped out my old standby. America’s Favorite:  Peanut Butter and Jelly….mmmm.

I mentioned it to my buddy the next day and he gave me a rash of shit.  He laughed, “You ate what?”  “How old are you?”  “Was it on Wonder Bread?”

Fuck him.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are not only good, they’re relatively good for you.

For 2 slices of bread, a serving of peanut butter and one of strawberry jam the nutrition value is:

  • Fat 18g
  • Sat Fat 2.5g
  • Sugar 19g
  • Carbs 46g
  • Protein 13g

Not bad.

I could’ve had a steak at 18.8 g of fat, 7.6 of which is saturated.  I guess that would’ve been manlier?

I could’ve had some pasta if I wanted to suck down 80g of carbs and 24g of fat.  Spare tire time.

How about a nice chicken breast you ask?  Well, the chicken breast blows us away with almost no fat, no carbs and 24g of protein.  The PB&J took me 5 minutes to make though.

All in all a PB&J is tasty, not unhealthy and lightening fast.

Step off bitch.

The Airborne Sham


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, mostly because kids have green snot running from their noses.

At the first sign of getting sick I increase my water intake, try to rest more, buy a half gallon of OJ and drink it from the carton, take vitamin C and Airborne Immune Support Supplement.

The only one of these that has a real price tag is Airborne.

Does it work? There is nothing to say it does; no studies support that it does anything for a cold.

It costs about $10 for 6 doses.

What a dumb-ass I am.

Read more:



The Toothpaste Presentation


I just need some toothpaste.  There are so many choices.  The toothpaste aisle is a dark fluoride forest and I don’t have a map (or fresh breath).

Whitening, Tarter Control, All in One, Mouthwash Combo.  ProHealth?  I thought they were all pro-health?

Worse yet, there are a different set of choices than last time I had to buy toothpaste.  Apparently, 9 of 10 dentists recommend them all.

Why can’t I just find fucking toothpaste?  The kind that cleans your teeth.

You can do the same thing at work, when you’re talking.  If you don’t plan ahead you can give your audience a confusing menu of ideas clouding their understanding of the point you’re trying to make.

Ask yourself:  What’s your brief about?  Why is what your talking about an issue and/or  what do you want from your audience?  What will be solved by getting what you want?

Don’t give your audience too many choices, give them what they need to make the decision and leave.  They have other shit to do like choose toothpaste.

Fifty Shades of Customer Service

Christian Grey in action at Hylete HQ

Hylete.com makes and sells some pretty good work out apparel and gives me a discount because I’m a Soldier.  They do the same for professional trainers, emergency and law enforcement folks too.  40% off suckas.

I ordered a gray shirt which was delayed a bit when I received an email from them.  The personal email said that my order was delayed due to a shipping issue and will be sent the following day.  “No problem,” I thought.

I received an email immediately after that saying that a 20% credit was applied to my account.  That’s cool, I didn’t expect that but I’ll take it.

I ordered a slate colored shirt and received a gun metal shirt the next day.  Fifty shades of ‘Grey’ so to speak.

I replied to the email since it was written by a person, not a machine.  The email also didn’t have a nasty, “Do Not Reply” warning.

The customer service agent quickly replied asking for details so she could stem the problem which may be affecting others.  She also told me to keep the shirt and credited me for another.

After determining the cause of the problem she wrote to thank me for the information and said that she was contacting others affected.

A lot of companies make decent work-out gear. What a lot of companies don’t have is amazing customer service; they do.


Running is a Team Sport

Running is a community.

I’ve noticed an alarming trend on the running trails; running is beginning to lack community.

I am usually suffering when I run, even so, I attempt eye contact with an oncoming runner and at least grunt, “hey.”

What I’ve received back over the past several months is nothing.  Only cowardly ‘look-aways’ or stoic ignores.

At races, runners are happy, they communicate, they laugh.  It’s a social event.  After a decent race, beer will be served and runners will exchange stories of that horrible hill, a cool piece of gear or the enduring heat.

Automatic Facebook posts from your run program don’t count.  Actually, between you and I, they are super lame.  Really.

Friends, let me lay this out for you:

When we are out on the road or the trail, we’re a team.  It’s us against them.

It’s us against the traffic, the wind, the sun.

It’s us against the gnats who are making a swimming pool in our eye sockets.

It’s us against the mileage and the pace.  It’s us against your goal.  That hill.  The rocks.  Your mind.

It’s us against the world.

Enjoy your run, be communal, enjoy the community.  At least say, “hi.”

Yogurt Wars

I don’t know this lady but she seems to like her yogurt.

Whatever happened to the days of Fruit at the Bottom versus Blended?

Now my choices are organic, pesticide, greek, active, inactive (I guess), bacteria filled, less bacteria, kids, kids special growth style, fruit at the bottom, or blended.  I have only ever seen low fat yogurt which leads me to believe that there is a fat yogurt that I just haven’t seen yet.

How is a man supposed to decide what to mix his granola with?  For my sister-in-law, I did some research:

Greek:  Healthier and tastier.  It’s got about half the sugar and more protein.  Read more.  Side note:  Dannon’s Greek yogurt is called ‘Oikos’ which means ‘House.’  I don’t get it.

Bacteria Rich:  We already discussed Dannon’s made up bacteria names.  Basically you can have live culture or not.  The cultures are the bacteria that ferments with the milk to make yogurt.  No one really knows how this started, some say that the bacteria first appeared on a plant and somehow came in contact with the milk, maybe some low hanging udders. Either way, it’s been around forever.  Live cultures are better.  Sometimes yogurt is heated after fermentation and the poor bacteria dies.  The bacteria helps in a number of ways.  It prevents yeast infections, that’s enough for me.

Kid varieties:  Yoplait makes a shit load of kid’s yogurts.  They have charactercentric themes, even gogurt.   The Dora yogurt beats out the Danimals on sugar by about 25%.  Everything else is about the same, that is, except for the allure of Dora.  Gogurt is the same stuff except for the terrible name and the mess that comes with eating yogurt out of a tube.  The organic Horizon’s Tuberz has basically the same nutritional value as well.  Then again, you get to pay more and show your friends that your kids eat organic.

Light n Fit:  Taste like crap, over fluffed.  No need for a nutritional comparison.

Some yogurts even come with the cereal or granola on top of the lid.

So in the end, Greek is good and so is bacteria; Dora beats Dannon.

I found this in my yogurt


I was at Sam’s Club a few weeks ago and they were trying to get people to eat samples of Activia.  I had never seen the substance before and was curious plus my kids really wanted some.

“It has healthy bacterias,” the attendant smiled.  It’s “bacteria.” but who’s counting?

The label proudly reads that Activia has Bifidus Regularis.  “Hmm,” I thought, “that sounds odd.”

“Is it safe for kids?” I asked.

The lady paused and I realized who I was asking, I walked on.

Turns out that Bifidus Regularis is a made up name by Dannon substituted for Bifidobacterium animalis, discovered in 1969, it is a bacteria that exists in many mammals.  Dannon markets the same bacteria with several different names depending on the country.  Studies show that it is supposed to be good for digestion; regardless of the name, I think.

Dannon claims that eating Activa yogurt every day for two weeks will provide enough bifidus regularis to help speed up intestinal transit time.  Finally a bacteria that will help speed my intestinal transit time!  Truly, a dream come true!  I thought bean burritos and travelling were the only solutions.

Dannon is also enjoying a class action lawsuit for these claims; the claimants are probably a bunch of tight wads.  I wonder if the ruling will be binding.

Read more here

The moral of the story?  An intestinal bacteria by any other name is still an intestinal bacteria.


Lunchables; The Unfood

Be careful, may be a choking hazard.

Yes they are inexpensive, Yes they are convenient.  No, it doesn’t seem right.

I visited my daughter’s Kindergarten class for lunch, the girl next to her was eating a Nachos and Cheese Lunchable.  She plugged away at the chips, she didn’t like the cheese or the salsa.  Hopefully for her, snack time brings some joy because I don’t think she got what Michelle Obama was hoping for.

I did some research because I felt it was my duty to inform my readers about these mystery meals.

To start, their marketing is virtually impenetrable. After cruising around their website for a bit, I was ready to sit down and break open a “Chicken Dunks.”  This tasty combo has a few chicken nuggets (that will not be heated), a ketchup pack, a juice and (last but not least) an Airhead Taffy.   Blue Raspberry flavor no less.  This lunchable is so good that 45 people felt compelled to ‘Like” it on Facebook.  Puzzling.

The calories are low, the cost is low, the bad ingredients are pretty low so what gives?  Size.

Everything in a lunchable is a mini version of itself.  Many of the products look similar in size on the packaging but are really shrunken stand-ins.

Let’s take the Ham and Cheddar with crackers.  Kraft calls us to, “beat the lunchtime blues” with this pack.  I’m not sure your kid will have the strength to beat anything.  The entire meal is only 90 grams, about 3/4 the size of a medium banana.  The good news is it only has 120 Calories from fat, that’s just under a regular taco bell taco.

Sometimes as a parent you have to follow your gut (or in this case, your kid’s gut).  Feeding your kid a cold and fake deep dish pizza that they assemble themselves at the lunch table can’t be good even if it comes with two mini double stuff Oreos.

Spinning- Not just for bitch asses anymore

Courtesy of http://alntv.wordpress.com/

I haven’t used the term ‘bitch ass’ in a long time; I might bring it back.

I have had the pleasure of being brutally beat down twice a week for the past several weeks.

It all started when my buddy, who also enjoys MTB, told me that spinning was actually a good work out and I should try. I called him a bitch then laughed and asked if he was hosting a Pampered Chef party next week.  He dared to come along for the next class.

What I found was surprising.

An hour of intense cardio with intervals of grueling anaerobic activity coupled with blacklight, rage-club-techno mix jarring the mind and soul.  It’s an experience as much as a workout.

Make no mistake, I’m fit (just ask me) but spin class sends me into waves of nausea, head spins and seemingly heart arrhythmia:  everything I look for in a good workout.

The sadomasochistic spin instructor seems to find pleasure in the sweat that puddles around the bike and the dizzy middle aged moms who run for the door in mid class.   She calls us out to raise our difficulty level while breathing regularly and dancing to the music; she doubles our effort without thinking twice.

For anyone looking to balance lifting and running with a no impact heart blasting, sweat fest try spinning.  It will go perfect with the More and Less Diet.

Even if you are a bitch ass.


Subway’s Olympic Green

News Flash: The Avocado in this picture doesn’t look like what they actually squirt onto your sandwich

After several friends independently advised me NOT to go to Subway and get their new Avocado topping, I had to go and see for myself.

Sure enough, they were right.

It’s some sort of paste; taco bell like, liquid stuff. It’s a green compound with consistency similar to tooth paste. Not slices, not bits. It doesn’t seem like avocado simply put through a blender, there is a synthetic aura about this stuff.

They used to squeeze it right from the bag that it comes in. The subway lady told me that recently they put it in the bins because it presents a lot better that way. One customer, she said, called it ‘do, do.’

Curious now, I investigated a bit further. Turns out that the nutrition contents listed on Subway’s website is similar to, but not exactly matching the nutritional information on this Avocado Website. Could be just a difference in breed (or however you differentiate between Avocado families.)

Still not convinced that this space age fluid is, in fact, nature’s super food, I e-mailed Subway to ask if what they slopped on my sandwich was truly the fruit of Mother Earth’s loins.

They responded:

“In response to your question, the avocado used is 100 percent avocado.”

I don’t know how it’s done but Subway somehow converted the fruit originally known to the Aztec as ‘testicle,’ into this thick ooze, easily slimed, onto thousands of sandwiches daily by your local Subway worker.

Well done Jared. Well done.

« Older Entries