Tag Archives: masculinity

Kids Have Standards

I was wearing a Batman shirt yesterday.  It has the old-school logo on it.

Evan, my 9 year old neighbor-kid rolled up on his bike and asked, “You like Batman?”

“Yeah, I do.  He’s a solid dude, you?” I replied.  In truth, I don’t know anything about super heroes.

“No.  In the cartoons they draw him with long pointy ears,” he said.

“Yeah but he’s a super hero and he’s strong and stuff…a good guy.”

Evan looked off in the distance.  “Terrible,” he declared and rode away.

Was he talking about me or Batman?

Batman

The Fall of Man

If your friend orders this for you, he is playing a trick or he’s not your friend. Bros don’t let bro’s do feminine shots.

I often order food from this pub close to the local university.  The other day we got some sandwiches to go. When I walked in I noticed a group of college age guys hitting on the waitress.  Ha, I thought, that must be annoying.  Then I smiled as I remembered doing the same while I was in school and after.

Waitresses never (hardly ever) are interested, they’re busy and probably get hit on all the time.  These guys were actually having some luck it seemed, I was impressed.

As I bullshitted with Scott the bartender he reached to the well and grabbed the Baileys and poured a few counts into a shaker, then the Goldschlager..then Kahlua.  I thought to myself, “Nasty, chicks will drink anything with Baileys.”  Scott shook the shots over ice then poured three shot glasses.  I saw the same waitress pick them up and head to the fella’s table.

“Nasty,” I thought, “Dudes will drink anything to get a chick to do a shot.”

She dropped the shots off and left.  These guys just did a shot of Gingerbread Man by themselves.

Hopefully it doesn’t interfere with their menstrual cycle.

Writing in Parentheticals – A Feminine Practice

There is little excuse for a man to use parenthetical faces in his correspondence.  Men should simply use words to convey intent and meaning, leaving the faces for the ladies or kids who don’t know better.

If you can’t say it with words, just don’t say it; hide your feelings- you’re better off that way than to use a pair of punctuation marks to make cute faces or figures.

I understand that humans have been using codes to communicate for ages, blah, blah blah.  Let me assure you, emoticons are not the direction we want to go.

I wish, for the purpose of convincing my audience, that I had a more concrete argument but I don’t.  Bottom line:  It’s really lame.

I am glad that emoticon use has seemed to drop.  This is all the more reason to give it up entirely, it’s no longer cool, it’s perfectly lame, or if not lame, feminine at best.

To read more on this strikingly sorry way to convey ideas, see the wiki site:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emoticon

Dirty Work

I change the oil in my Jeep. You should change your car’s oil. There are a bunch of reasons to do it but mostly it feels good inside.

I’m no handy man, so stay with me here. You can do this too.

There is something about working on a car. Sure, it’s easy and fast to pay for basic maintenance but there is nothing rewarding about leaving Jiffy Lube after the barely trained tech has explained the hundreds of dollars of items you should have taken but opted not to. He’s only “recommending” that stuff because the computer told him to. I guess they vacuum your floors right?

You’re just going to have to trust me on the intrinsic value of breaking a warm oil plug on a cold winter’s day; I can’t find the words to explain it.

These are some real factors:

Its easy: Check it out on youtube. Its easier than changing a diaper. Almost all cars are the same and it requires hardly any tools. Perhaps you are scared, don’t be Luke, let the internet show you the way.

It’s family time: It’s damn good for the wife and kids to see you doing something manly besides stare at the TV screen. The kids also get to see a machine, they see that more goes into a car than a DVD player and whatever mom does up front. Kids need to see that machines make things work.

Its a gateway drug: Changing your oil won’t save you money. You break about even once you invest the initial $20 or so for tools. Once you change your oil a few times, your confidence will rise leading you to other equally easy jobs. This weekend I changed my brake pads and rotors, I saved about $200 (compared to any shop) and it cost me about 2 hours. Last month I changed my differential fluids and transfer case, another $200 savings.

Easy Talking Point: Car maintenance makes great conversation. A lot of guys are curious but afraid to ask. Be their guide at the water cooler. Show them that they can since you did.

Peace: The time spent working on jobs like this is stress free and relaxing. I hang out under my Jeep with some music in the background while I sort through the world’s toughest issues. This is my day at the spa.

Try it. Don’t be afraid. Just do it once. The satsifaction you’ll get when you start it back up then examine the dip stick is immeasurable (that’s what she said).

2 hours and barely any know how made my weekend a great one.