Tag Archives: parenting

Step off my PB&J

Dream Team

The Dream Team

I got home late from work, my wife was heading out to meet her friends and the kids had to get to bed.  No dinner for me.

No problem.

I whipped out my old standby. America’s Favorite:  Peanut Butter and Jelly….mmmm.

I mentioned it to my buddy the next day and he gave me a rash of shit.  He laughed, “You ate what?”  “How old are you?”  “Was it on Wonder Bread?”

Fuck him.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are not only good, they’re relatively good for you.

For 2 slices of bread, a serving of peanut butter and one of strawberry jam the nutrition value is:

  • Fat 18g
  • Sat Fat 2.5g
  • Sugar 19g
  • Carbs 46g
  • Protein 13g

Not bad.

I could’ve had a steak at 18.8 g of fat, 7.6 of which is saturated.  I guess that would’ve been manlier?

I could’ve had some pasta if I wanted to suck down 80g of carbs and 24g of fat.  Spare tire time.

How about a nice chicken breast you ask?  Well, the chicken breast blows us away with almost no fat, no carbs and 24g of protein.  The PB&J took me 5 minutes to make though.

All in all a PB&J is tasty, not unhealthy and lightening fast.

Step off bitch.

Yogurt Wars

I don’t know this lady but she seems to like her yogurt.

Whatever happened to the days of Fruit at the Bottom versus Blended?

Now my choices are organic, pesticide, greek, active, inactive (I guess), bacteria filled, less bacteria, kids, kids special growth style, fruit at the bottom, or blended.  I have only ever seen low fat yogurt which leads me to believe that there is a fat yogurt that I just haven’t seen yet.

How is a man supposed to decide what to mix his granola with?  For my sister-in-law, I did some research:

Greek:  Healthier and tastier.  It’s got about half the sugar and more protein.  Read more.  Side note:  Dannon’s Greek yogurt is called ‘Oikos’ which means ‘House.’  I don’t get it.

Bacteria Rich:  We already discussed Dannon’s made up bacteria names.  Basically you can have live culture or not.  The cultures are the bacteria that ferments with the milk to make yogurt.  No one really knows how this started, some say that the bacteria first appeared on a plant and somehow came in contact with the milk, maybe some low hanging udders. Either way, it’s been around forever.  Live cultures are better.  Sometimes yogurt is heated after fermentation and the poor bacteria dies.  The bacteria helps in a number of ways.  It prevents yeast infections, that’s enough for me.

Kid varieties:  Yoplait makes a shit load of kid’s yogurts.  They have charactercentric themes, even gogurt.   The Dora yogurt beats out the Danimals on sugar by about 25%.  Everything else is about the same, that is, except for the allure of Dora.  Gogurt is the same stuff except for the terrible name and the mess that comes with eating yogurt out of a tube.  The organic Horizon’s Tuberz has basically the same nutritional value as well.  Then again, you get to pay more and show your friends that your kids eat organic.

Light n Fit:  Taste like crap, over fluffed.  No need for a nutritional comparison.

Some yogurts even come with the cereal or granola on top of the lid.

So in the end, Greek is good and so is bacteria; Dora beats Dannon.

Lunchables; The Unfood

Be careful, may be a choking hazard.

Yes they are inexpensive, Yes they are convenient.  No, it doesn’t seem right.

I visited my daughter’s Kindergarten class for lunch, the girl next to her was eating a Nachos and Cheese Lunchable.  She plugged away at the chips, she didn’t like the cheese or the salsa.  Hopefully for her, snack time brings some joy because I don’t think she got what Michelle Obama was hoping for.

I did some research because I felt it was my duty to inform my readers about these mystery meals.

To start, their marketing is virtually impenetrable. After cruising around their website for a bit, I was ready to sit down and break open a “Chicken Dunks.”  This tasty combo has a few chicken nuggets (that will not be heated), a ketchup pack, a juice and (last but not least) an Airhead Taffy.   Blue Raspberry flavor no less.  This lunchable is so good that 45 people felt compelled to ‘Like” it on Facebook.  Puzzling.

The calories are low, the cost is low, the bad ingredients are pretty low so what gives?  Size.

Everything in a lunchable is a mini version of itself.  Many of the products look similar in size on the packaging but are really shrunken stand-ins.

Let’s take the Ham and Cheddar with crackers.  Kraft calls us to, “beat the lunchtime blues” with this pack.  I’m not sure your kid will have the strength to beat anything.  The entire meal is only 90 grams, about 3/4 the size of a medium banana.  The good news is it only has 120 Calories from fat, that’s just under a regular taco bell taco.

Sometimes as a parent you have to follow your gut (or in this case, your kid’s gut).  Feeding your kid a cold and fake deep dish pizza that they assemble themselves at the lunch table can’t be good even if it comes with two mini double stuff Oreos.

Daddy Pig – The Retort

I’ve gotten a lot of feedback on my judgmental Daddy Pig post.  In retrospect, I could have been more clear about a few things.

1.  Daddy Pig holds the world record in the pig sport of puddle jumping.  Impressive.  As I concluded in the Romeo Dance Cheetah post, being the best at anything is pretty awesome.

2.   Being a good dad doesn’t mean you have to be intelligent, in good shape or even motivated.  Sometimes you just have to be present.  My wife defended Daddy Pig pointing out that at least he’s not out drinking every night, she also named several dads that are one of the above but still seemingly great dads; point taken.

My daughter pointed out that Daddy Pig once skipped work then fell asleep in a chair reading the newspaper.  My son mentioned that one time when it was raining, Daddy Pig used the umbrella instead of keeping the family dry.  My kids don’t watch a lot of TV so these examples are telling.

Daddy Pig has become a regular term around our house to describe lackluster parenting.  The parents we noticed this weekend sleeping on the beach while their children frolicked in the hurricane driven waves- Daddy Pig.  The dads gathering to talk shop at the ‘family’ event ignoring the rest of the family- Daddy Pigs.  Staying at work too late and checking your e-mail when you get home- Daddy Pig.

The point is, there is a little Daddy Pig in all of us; the best we can do is to beat his swine-ass into submission.

For more information:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daddy_Pig

Daddy Pig is a bitch. Are you?

The guy on the left is a bitch.

Daddy Pig is a bitch.  He is fat, fairly stupid and seemingly lazy.

My kids watch Peppa Pig which is a pretty good show except for the Dad.  He snorts around and provides little more than comical relief for the family.

Dads, what has happened to our brand?  When did we become the chubby goofy guy who bumbles around from channel to channel contributing little besides money to family growth?

A recent trip to a family water park resort told me that Daddy Pig does exist and he represents our country’s fathers in force.  I saw a bunch of out of shape males milling around searching for the next beer, hopelessly fixated on their smart phones while the family functioned around them; at dinner, they find the nearest television to escape to while mom makes sure the family is fed.

I know real dads are out there.  Many of our readers are real dads, I’ve seen them in action too.

Real dads bring whatever they have to offer to the table at night.  Maybe they ask leading questions about character, maybe they field the few questions that stump mom, they can lead family exercise, or  encourage self reflection; maybe they simply set the example.

Either way, your choice- Daddy or Daddy Pig?

Put down your cell phone and look up.

This shirt was at Walmart for Father’s Day, if you received it you might want to rethink your approach.

Back Yard Birds; Trying to get something for nothing

To quote the 1966, political sci-fi novel, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, by Heinlien:

TANSTAAFL!  There aint no such thing as a free lunch!

What a creative move by our noisy back yard bird friends.  It seems they’ve supported a study to prove that the feline domesticus are hazards.  I’m sure of it- no study required.  They call cats European imports, they didn’t mention that many of the birds that frequent our back yards are too.

An NY Times article on the study:  http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/21/science/21birds.html?_r=1

Did the birds really think that this veritable paradise would come without cost?  Without risk?

My back yard is inviting. I have two different flavors of suet, lots of sunflower seeds, dried blood worms and thistle (if you’re nasty).  For those wanting something different, I’ll occasionally feature a wild bird seed mix.  I even have a clean bird bath to freshen up on those hot summer days.

Here is what the kids and I get out of it:

The Scene:  I appreciate the sound and sights on a great range of southern birds.  The angry mockingbird, the squealing cat bird, the vibrant cardinals and golden finch.

The lessons we share:

Life:  It’s harsh.  Not long ago ‘Daddy Finch’ was plucked from the sky by some type of predator bird, a hawk I think.  He pinned Daddy Finch down then flew off with him, while both of our families (his and mine) watched.  We were having breakfast – so was the hawk.

Life:  It’s a miracle.  We watched as several finch and bluebird broods were laid, hatched and raised.  The kids (chicks) grew to eventually do the same.

Life:  The strong survive.  Every once in a while, my cat will get lucky and score a bird.  The bird victim must have been weak or gotten caught not paying attention, my cat lacks skills and I’ve stacked the odds against him.

I keep my cat lazy and well fed, a bell on his collar unless he pries it off, and beat him if he goes after the nest or the young.

Its a fair trade I think.  Visiting my bird resort has risks.

A message to the birds:  Come.   Come and eat.  Be bold, be cunning, but don’t be foolish.

Nothing in life is free, not birdseed, facebook or even health care.